ok ok…recent writings
SKETCHES UNDRESSED(The Opening - solo, written for the Living Theater)
Welcome to Sketches Undressed.
I am not your host, Faux Maux. She is somewhere putting her clothes back on.
Maybe she’s in a nun’s habit doing the rosary, ’cause Faux Maux is a good girl…. a good little girl. maybe not so little.
I’m uncomfortable being naked.
Are you uncomfortable with me being naked?
Well, if you’re not, soon enough you’ll see 2 naked dudes and you’ll understand….
My fear. I’m not afraid of being naked.
I just think there’s a time and a place.
Sure the theater is a place, one of those places, besides the shower, being in bed (alone or with a buddy), typing at your computer or the Republican convention.
But I’ve done it already. …being naked. And all anyone saw was “naked.”
I whined and complained that no one understood the “concept.”
I got this bump, you see, and I’m not pregnant. It’s my deformity. My blessing or the opposite, depending on your point of view. So I did concept pieces revolving around my deformity. Conceptual stuff.
Naked, I know now, is not a concept. It a thing.
And not always a good thing.
Some people were revolted. Americans are still a touch puritanical. …a rude, immoral thing.
I know my mother thinks…. I promised I wouldn’t talk about my mother.
My poor mother. I am not trying to hurt my mother, so don’t let her know I’m here.
I’m not. I told you. This is not me. This is some naked girl who think that nakedness will change the world.
I am not the first one. I’m surely not to be the last.
Getting naked is a performance vehicle for facing our deepest fears.
Naked and alone. Naked and alone. We enter the world naked and some guy dresses us up when we die, the bugs eat the clothes and we’re naked again - until the worms eat our flesh.
It’s natural. That’s why nudists call themselves naturists. Though i think “nudist” is self-explanatory.
Once again, people need “code words” for their actions.
I’m not watching porn, honey. I’m doing ‘research’.
Who are you chatting with on the computer, dear? Uh. A client! A german client!
We are all liars. We have always been and will always be. The only thing that’s honest and true is the shape of our ass.
And now that you’ve seen mine, I’d like to introduce my scene partners for the night.
Take a deep breathe.
I just want to remind you that if you can bear the sight of these two naked…uh… well, there’s paper bags under your chairs. Breathe deeply. And a plastic bags too, in case you need to.. hope your dinner wasn’t too pricey.
Although William Wallace wore a kilt, he did have “FREEDOM!”
Adam and Eve Sketch a collaboration with the incomparable Big Mike
Adam
Did you see that guy all dressed in white with the flaming sword and the ZZ Top beard?
Eve
I don’t like that guy. Who does he think he is?
Adam
You know, the “The” guy.
Eve
The who, what?
Adam
Just the “The.”
Eve
Well… The “The” has an attitude problem.
Adam
I don’t think the THE is gonna let us back in again.
Eve
OMG. You’re naked.
Adam
Uh. I guess I am. Hey! You’re naked too.
Eve
Why are YOU so hairy? I don’t even have any pubes.
Adam
It’s freezing out here. It’s cold as Hell.
Eve
You’d think Hell would be hot. We’re in a really weird place. Let’s call it the Land of Nod. Hey…. Adam!! ……You stupid Neanderthal, make us a fire!!!
Adam
Uh….. What’s a fire?
Eve
Something hot, like the “The” had on his sword. Why don’t you try rubbing two sticks together?
(Adam looks at his penis quizzically.)
Adam
I only gots one.
Eve
Try tree sticks, numbnuts.
Adam
(Plays rhythm sticks.)
This will never work.
Eve
You never listen to me. I told you not to eat that fucking apple. Always hungry. Fat pig.
Adam
Alright. Alright. Shut your yap already. You’re the one who wanted the god-damned apple.
(tosses sticks)
This ain’t working.
Eve
Try something else. That sword was made of some kind of stone stuff.
Adam
(Plays shakers )
This ain’t working neither.
Eve
Must I do everything around here?
(Lights Bic lighter)
Adam
Nobody likes a smart-assed bitch.
Eve
Good thing I don’t know nobody. Take the rocks and go kill something. Bring me a nice skin to wear. And - Keep the meat!!! I’m hungry.
(Sings “Like a Virgin” – 2 stanzas.)
Adam
Look what I killed? A red thong.
Eve
A what?
Adam
A thong-bird. A Monicus Lewinskius. Now that your nice and cozy and warm, let’s be fruitful and multiply, like the “The Guy” told us to do. Whaddaya
say?
[[[CUE: “Fire” by Pointer Sisters]]]
[[Dance. Song ends. A & E light ciggies. Eve finds baby.]]
Eve
Looks! It’s a baby…. It’a a Boy!! Let’s thnk of a name, Shame, Pain. I know…. Cain.
Adam
How do you know it’s a boy?
Eve
Shut up, Numbnuts.
[[[EXIT CUE: Reprise song: “Fire”]]]]